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The most important thing Ladies must do after a breakup.

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So where my ladies at? So this one is for my ladies. After a guy,girl or anyone you are in a relationship with decides that he or she doesn’t want to continue with you on the journey of love, this is what you should do to move on.

Now, before we continue, I will like to categorically state that, this chat is only for those who were in a relationship with another living  and willing human being. not with an imaginary guy, not with a toy, and certainly not with a guy who you were stalking and after he gets a restraining order from you, you  tell your self that it was a breakup.

So ladies, before we go to the breakup part, let us visit the actually relationship itself. When you are in a relationship ladies, especially for my African women. you should please know that your boyfriend or husband is a human being, which means that he is not perfect, and therefore, is bound to make mistake and even disappoint you in marital ways. So the key to a lasting relationship should be .

.Forgiveness: If you know your partner is a human being, you should always try to forgive him even if you caught him right in the act of sex with someone else. You are allowed to get angry and act out, but If you breakup or divorce him, the next person to take his place Will still not be perfect. Ladies, no body, not even you, is PERFECT.  So always have it in mind that he will do something to show that he is a human being. Because women to men ratio in the world these days, is like men1:7 women, so your husband will have more tempting girls than the unwilling ones. If he is in love enough to come back to you every night, then you should try to let go of some issues.

.IGNORING and not REACTING to every single thing: As African ladies, and even western world from generations past, if you ask anyone of them how they managed to stay married for 50-70 years of their lives, they will let you know that you should not react to every thing. A saying that ‘men will always be men’ is not a joke guys. Men have a strong battle between their head and their penis constantly on a daily basis. They might love you so Much no doubt, but they are men and it takes only the strong ones to do the things you asked of them as women.  Don’t react to every cheating you are lucky enough to know about, don’t threaten him with divorce every single time you are offended. Let it go, get a hobby or a career, it will help you reduce the amount of smoothering attention you pay to him. Pay attention to you kids and nurture them.

In the olden days, AFRICA women don’t really pay attention to the dealings of men with other females. But in this Century, ever since our social media life got heightened, in the name of feminism and womanhood, we have come to a dangerous place where we are quick to learn the bad deeds of the countries we look up to. we have travelled and read and even learnt how the western world women react to every single thing. Get yourself a job ladies, engage in agriculture,  and concerntrate on making yourself a greater woman.

AFTER BREAKUP

After break up, when it is clear that you guys are sure you are not coming back, take a short time to grieve. Dont say you are too strong to cry it out,don’t say it depicts weakness when you cry. No. Take time out to grieve because you are a human being and you should empty your mind. After that, then concerntrate on yourself. Get that job you have always wanted, start that career you have always wanted, write that book you have always wanted, join that book club, start a workout just to look better than he use to know you, Dive straight into a thing that you have always craved. Nothing attracts a man like a lady who has direction, and you will find him saying “Hi” to you for no reason. It is the best way to get back his attention while looking good doing it. Begging him to come back to you, is the worst way, the second one is getting a quick rebound out of anger not love, just to prove that men still want you after the breakup.

If you were a stay home partner to him when you were together, take yourself away from that and get productively useful to the society and yourself, because It increases self worth for you and even for him. Don’t you dare think that he can’t see you, he sees  your improvements, especially with social media. Be the bigger one and  move on. Don’t be quick to move on to a new man just yet, move on to yourself. Even if you have achieved everything in life, get something, a goal, or a project to achieve. When you are done achieving one or two projects for your life, then you can look at another man.

   REASON WHY YOU SHOULDNT BE QUICK MOVE ON TO A NEW MAN.

when you quickly move on to a new man after your breakup, it shows  how desperate you are to prove your previous partner wrong. You will get a man when you achieve standards. There are ways to show him what he missed other than giving your hurting heart out immediately it is broken just for it to be broken again, without allowing it to heal. Healing process is very vital, So when you move on to a new man who turns out to be what you didn’t expect, he probably just wants to sleep with you and leave, not knowing what you just went through in the previous relationship, it messes up your confidence.

If he finally leaves you just after you were left by your partner not long ago, then you are you to feel even two times worse than the first one. You will feel deeply incompetent to handle a man. You might even end up blamimg yourself for the horrible deeds of those men. You will see yourself as the problem instead of he man. Don’t do that to yourself. Your insecurity will take over you.

But if you allow yourself to heal, and achieve a set goal, a project, a workout, a book, a new career, a life time achievement. Your self confidence becomes so that you are simply smart and incredible and no man can make you feel otherwise.so when your next relationship breakup because of the partner, then you know that it wasn’t your fault. Don’t sink yourself deep into depression out of desperation.  Ladies are we clear on this now?

 

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Tags : #breakups
Oby Oriji

The author Oby Oriji

I am a 5'7" tall extrovert Igbo girl with restless hands. An obsessed writer, and the reason we are here. Email : Oriji.oby@gmail.com dealspotr.com

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